kahcheong
Hi fellow pple.Im from singapore and would like to hear your
comments. Recently tis 3 yrs down the road ive been changing. during
my first yr in high school, i was very active, outgoing, talkative and
lively and funny and i had many friends.But i was dropped to a
different class nxt yr and things started going wrong. I admit i was
wrong one time when i was blinded with infatuation and i broke up with
my gf becos of tat but i really regretted my actions and from tat
moment on, everyone in the class hates me. They talk behind my back
and stuff and i lose all my courage. I lost many friends too and i
became withdrawn. But i realised tat tis feeling is pretty good, being
away from wats happening mostly around me and minding my own life.I
begin to look forward at going home n be alone in my room. N my moods
became unbearable.I get very agitated at little things and always feel
liek tearing the person apart. This went on and it worsen during my
3rd year , which is last yr 2009. The class tot tat i was a poser,
acting quiet and withdrawn but i juz dont like the way they act as
though they are gangster and the top of the world.and they laugh at me
and called me many names and i was very angry.I often imagine killing
them, stabbing them and punching them until they beg for mercy but it
all happens only when im alone.I love to pace around my house
listening to music and thinking all this stuff. I juz feel like im
finally free and relax and happy when im thinking of all this
thoughts.This year,i broke up with my girlfriend.I got really mad
because i am good to her. You might not belief but during school, im
juz a teddy bear. pple scold me and i juz smile at it although im
really hurt and angry inside.I dun mind helping people and im
friendly.But when i reach home, all my feelings juz burst out and i
feel really great.this year, i started having suicidal thoughts and
the murdering thoughts were getting more.I felt that my whole past is
ruin. no one will understand t because lookin back, every one i knew
changed so much . but me, i change for the worse. life has no meaning.
i felt that and i got really hopeless. i wanted to suicide so i wrote
in my diary a suicide letter but after thinking, i felt tat i need to
punish those tat were bad to me. i wanted to kill them of. like
stabbing them. my mind working furiously and i start thinkin things
like if i killed him wat plan, where could it be? should i stab him?
then proceed to gut him or juz slit him and stuff like tat. i dont
know. life has no meaing left for me. th longer im isolated from
people, the more i felt like tat. i wanted to change. but the fellow
people, the looks in their eyes stopped me. i even tried once and i
got a bad respond. i felt angry.please help me
Answer
I got teased a lot at school because I moved a lot, so I was always the "new kid" and had to re-adapt, plus I'm smart (at least I like to think so), so I always got good grades, which made people tease and hate me more. There are a few things you can do, but you've got to be willing to change. Being isolated can feel good, but it's not the solution. Try picking up a martial art. I'm a black belt in Tae-Kwon-Do, and in my Dojo we are taught a lot about the philosophy behind the art, and the principles of respect, self-control, etc. We use our skills for defense only, and I swear school would've been much harder without practicing a martial art. Plus, after a rather stressful day, it's always good to vent out kicking a punching bag. I also recommend going out more, getting some fresh air and seeing new things. Staying inside for too long doesn't help and just makes the thoughts worse. Meet new people! Don't just stick with the people you know, but join groups of interest either in real-life or online. Even answering the questions of random people online makes you feel better and makes you feel connected and not alone ;) Remember that new people don't know you, so first impressions count. Look for things that you can change (again, only if you want to) like clothes, hairstyles, practice a smile in the mirror, whatever. Do what seems most comfortable for you, and remember that no good comes in doing stuff only to get people to like you. I abide to many rules, but an important one I have is: Smile, even if just to make others do so too. It's amazing how contagious a smile can be, even if just a smirk. Think happy thoughts, do healthy things, and life should get more bearable and light. Don't give up on life, and don't deprive somebody else of theirs (that goes without saying).
I got teased a lot at school because I moved a lot, so I was always the "new kid" and had to re-adapt, plus I'm smart (at least I like to think so), so I always got good grades, which made people tease and hate me more. There are a few things you can do, but you've got to be willing to change. Being isolated can feel good, but it's not the solution. Try picking up a martial art. I'm a black belt in Tae-Kwon-Do, and in my Dojo we are taught a lot about the philosophy behind the art, and the principles of respect, self-control, etc. We use our skills for defense only, and I swear school would've been much harder without practicing a martial art. Plus, after a rather stressful day, it's always good to vent out kicking a punching bag. I also recommend going out more, getting some fresh air and seeing new things. Staying inside for too long doesn't help and just makes the thoughts worse. Meet new people! Don't just stick with the people you know, but join groups of interest either in real-life or online. Even answering the questions of random people online makes you feel better and makes you feel connected and not alone ;) Remember that new people don't know you, so first impressions count. Look for things that you can change (again, only if you want to) like clothes, hairstyles, practice a smile in the mirror, whatever. Do what seems most comfortable for you, and remember that no good comes in doing stuff only to get people to like you. I abide to many rules, but an important one I have is: Smile, even if just to make others do so too. It's amazing how contagious a smile can be, even if just a smirk. Think happy thoughts, do healthy things, and life should get more bearable and light. Don't give up on life, and don't deprive somebody else of theirs (that goes without saying).
Do you still think about your childhood crush?
mirs
He's a year older, and I liked him from grade 3 all the way through grade 7, until he graduated middle school. I had a major crush on this kid, and it was SO obvious he liked me too haha. Probably not as much as me though because sometimes i'd be sitting here constantly remembering him! I'm 16 now so it's been about four years. I moved halfway across the country. He has no facebook so i have no idea what's up with him now, but he goes to my friends' high school and they occasionally see him. I've hardly ever talked to him but one of his good friends had a crush on me -that's probably why he started liking me too haha. I don't think I've ever had such a big crush/ever WILL in my life. boy, do i miss those times!
Answer
I did, until I actually saw her again, many years later.
I grew up in Singapore, son of an R.A.F aircrew Master Signaller, When I was 11, I fell madly in love with a certain Valerie Benbridge at Changi. When her father was posted back to the UK, I broke my little heart. ("Aaahhh" I hear you all saying). There was a-weeping and a-wailing and a gnashing of teeth. I went off my food and even lost interest in putting large hairy tropical spiders down other boy's necks.
About twelve years later, I happened to be on a bus in Exeter, Devon (UK). I saw a fat, raddled old hag struggling onto the bus with three horrible looking children. Yes! There was no doubt! It was HER! Mine own true, sweet innocent and everlasting love from those far off tropical days.
She had a body like a large plastic bag full of golf balls and a face that would give Frankenstein nightmares. I thought to myself "God, how could I ever have loved THAT!"
I kept my face averted in case she too, recognised me. However I had, by this time grown a huge hairy moustache anyway which covered two-thirds of my face, so I doubt I was in any danger.
I have marvelled ever since at such a lucky escape.
I did, until I actually saw her again, many years later.
I grew up in Singapore, son of an R.A.F aircrew Master Signaller, When I was 11, I fell madly in love with a certain Valerie Benbridge at Changi. When her father was posted back to the UK, I broke my little heart. ("Aaahhh" I hear you all saying). There was a-weeping and a-wailing and a gnashing of teeth. I went off my food and even lost interest in putting large hairy tropical spiders down other boy's necks.
About twelve years later, I happened to be on a bus in Exeter, Devon (UK). I saw a fat, raddled old hag struggling onto the bus with three horrible looking children. Yes! There was no doubt! It was HER! Mine own true, sweet innocent and everlasting love from those far off tropical days.
She had a body like a large plastic bag full of golf balls and a face that would give Frankenstein nightmares. I thought to myself "God, how could I ever have loved THAT!"
I kept my face averted in case she too, recognised me. However I had, by this time grown a huge hairy moustache anyway which covered two-thirds of my face, so I doubt I was in any danger.
I have marvelled ever since at such a lucky escape.
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